After a meditative moment of gratefulness and peace, I felt pulled by shouts of joy toward a children’s playground sculpture in the park. Kids were having a great time experiencing the freedom of movement exhilarated by others like them expressing themselves with passion.

It was clear that boys and girls had a different way of expressing their joy of life. Most boys were playing daring games such as crawling on rocks and looking around to see if someone was admiring them. As though further energized by people like me looking at them, they kept climbing and jumping even faster, taking less and less time to secure their footing well before taking the next step. Parents were split between being worried and proud. Being admired taking risks seemed to tuned the kids on. Perhaps taking risks is a masculine quality… But then I saw a girl who seemed to outdo most boys. That was impressive. However most girls were playing on the ground enjoying sharing their toys with others and pushing each other on the swings.

I tried to analyze why it was so. Was the diversity in play because of socialization? Instead of answering my question, I decided to enjoy the diversity and the genuine pleasure experienced by the boys and girls playing and also by the men and women who were present there to create safety for them.

Would our sexual life be more spontaneous and exciting if we gave up the analyzing and trying to make sense of how nature wants to express itself through us?

I feel grateful to be alive and decided to play a little more freely myself.

Some wise person said: “If you are not on the edge you’re taking up too much space. “

How are you playing in your life? Are you allowing yourself to take some risks by pushing your boundaries of safety without falling off the rocks?

Photo: Encounter on a Net, by Diana Blackwell, Flikr.com

Ladies, perhaps you realize that you are feeling less beautiful, less desirable, more taken for granted. . . I know many of us feel this way at one time or another.

When your man is in love with you at the beginning of your relationship he sprinkles, “you are beautiful,” “I love you so much,” “you are important to me” in so much of what he says to you. . .

Now you might have to wait for a special occasion or perhaps a new sexy outfit for him to notice how beautiful you are. His feelings haven’t changed; he has just forgotten the need to share them with you.

Men, are you taking the time to make sure your woman hears that she is important and beautiful and sexy to you?

Perhaps there is also another way you can give attention to her?

Saying “you are beautiful” can get boring or lost its meaning, and a general comment never has the same power as when you compliment her on a specific trait. Perhaps instead you could notice her expression and comment on it. You can tell her exactly what about her body attracts you most. Perhaps you may also notice some of the loving things she says or does, and acknowledge them with some attention – and even a kiss, or a touch . . .

This Valentine’s Day, and all through the month, use your imagination to communicate your desire to your woman. You will be surprised how eagerly she reacts to your attention!

When I work with couples who are resistant to healing their relationship and who no longer feel the kind of  sensuality they felt when they met, it is often due to their lack of listening. It’s very common in long-term relationships.

Tantra says that newness is the preferred food for Eros.  Eros dies when habits come in. But when you have been with someone a long time, it’s very easy for both of you to fall into a rut. Your lover gets to know your patterns – what you like, what you don’t like, what you complain about. When your partner hears the beginning of a sentence, they already “know” what you are trying to say; they  stop listening and start replying the usual way, leaving absolutely no space for newness to occur.

You might be in a new space, and trying to bring a new view or approach to this issue, but now your suggestion or insight gets completely ignored and you feel discouraged and “lonely”. In this lonely place, you may stop being open and trusting, and close off to your lover, or you may desperately try to talk anyway to your partner’s deaf ears, hoping in vain that one day he or she will actually listen to you.

Either way you are closing off to Eros.  If you are no longer expressing yourself or are compulsively repeating yourself,  Eros leaves your relationship.

If you are the one no longer listening, you may want to refresh your relationship by becoming curious again, and really listen for what you could say to break the vicious cycle. To do that you need to let go of assumptions. An assumption usually says:  “Why should I listen to this again?  I already know what they are going to say.”  Stop!  You are closing the door for possible newness to come through.  If your lover is really just repeating the same thing and really nothing new comes up, it means they are feeling unheard. So bring some intention to giving them space to feel heard -  you may even try to ask questions to bring out the possible newness of the situation.  Every moment is new if we really look and listen.

This is an important teaching of Tantra:  “When you are in the NOW fully you are in a tantric space.” Some of you may have read the work of Eckhart Tolle – his book “The Power of Now” is reviving this ancient tantric idea in self-growth circles.  (If you haven’t read the book, I highly recommend it. )

Sexual and romantic connection are about energy. Be fully present with your partner and focus your energy into truly listening to them, deeply, with intention and love. You will be surprised how that energy juices up your relationship in every way!

Blessings,
Carla

Photo by Renee Barron, Flikr.com

Introspection is good. We need time to tune into ourselves to see what we are really thinking and feeling because often we decide to quickly put our feelings on hold to handle urgent work. We need to integrate our experiences to really learn from them.

However, sometimes we unconsciously confuse introspection with the avoidance of communicating our inner thoughts and feelings with the person we love. Many times, we may be afraid of how our lover may react to what we need to express.

The other day, I was avoiding seeing a man I love, because I subtly resented him for not calling back as soon as I had expected him to. However, I denied even the slightest thought of my being resentful. I told myself that “I am more enlightened than that. I simply want to be by myself. I need time for me right now.”

Thankfully, I cannot hide the real truth from myself for long. After some thought, I admitted that I was actually upset, because I had interpreted what I labelled his “lack of action” as my not being important enough for him to call back.

I saw the truth within myself, without judging myself – that is forgiving myself for not being perfect. The whole energy behind avoiding communication with him dissolved, and it left me with a fresh view of life.

I simply asked him his reason for calling me back late. He responded without defending himself, because he did not feel attacked, and I learned a wonderful lesson.

You are the only one who knows the difference between honestly needing time alone to refresh yourself, and avoiding communication because you don’t want to confront a difficult topic and risk being misinterpreted or ending up upset.

The key to staying open internally is being open to vulnerability, yet also being strong – knowing that you can trust yourself. Yes, strong enough to face whatever is there in your life, without making drama, as a matter of fact.

Blessings,
Carla

Sexual attractiveness is based not on looks, but on that radiance which comes from breathing deeply, taking adequate time for rest, eating the right foods at the right time of day, and from keeping your spine and legs as flexible as possible. The best healer is the body itself. If you listen to your body, it will tell you how to heal itself.

Points to pay attention to:

The metabolism is sluggish in the early morning, but very efficient from 10:00am to 2:00pm. The last meal of the day should be around 7:00pm. If you need to eat something later, eat only fruit, which is digested in the intestines. The stomach needs a night of “fast”; that is why we call the first meal of the day a break of the fast–”breakfast.”

Chewing–at least 10 times before swallowing (the yogis chew 32 times, one for each tooth!!)–is essential for good digestion. Digestion starts in the mouth. Besides, each time you chew, you send a message to your brain that you are being nourished and it imagines that you eat more than you actually do. The more you chew, the less food you need to eat. The stomach should be only three-quarters full, to allow for best digestion.

When the cells age or become damaged, raw fruits and vegetables will rejuvenate them. They are the best sources for vitamins and minerals and they contain water distilled by the sun.

Eat a good balance of “favorable” carbohydrates originating from vegetables and fruits. Avoid white sugar and white flour (refined and bleached, as used in white breads) which have been depleted of all the vitamins and minerals we need.

Eat protein from nuts, seeds and–in moderation–from eggs and free-ranging chickens, lambs or cows, as they aren’t fed with antibiotics and aren’t restricted in place without movement just to fatten them quickly. Certain combinations of beans and grains form a chain of complete protein and are broken down by the digestive system into all the essential amino acids. Soy beans are the only beans that have all the essential amino acids.

Eat essential fatty acids–the best coming from fish oil (salmon), and olive oil–which help produce the good cholesterol used by the body to produce hormones.

Avoid table salt, which is stripped of potassium, and use sea salt (available in health food stores). Avoid sugar because it makes the pancreas secrete abnormally high quantities of insulin and causes the adrenal glands to become depleted. (You want highly productive adrenal glands because they produce sex hormones.)

Avoid caffeine, because it strains your nervous system by making you feel high and then dropping your energy level much lower than it was before. Furthermore, it steals calcium from your body.

Because the digestive system performs best when the sun is high in the sky (whether it is sunny or not), the bulk of your eating should take place between 10:00am and 2:00pm. If you are meeting a client for a big dinner, the extra energy used for digestion will diminish the energy supply available for sex that night.

If you feel a strong need to take in sugar or excessively fatty foods because your body is not quite balanced yet, do so between 10:00am and 2:00pm. After three weeks of following these suggestions, you will have lost the desire for sugar or fat-laden foods. Overeating or eating the wrong foods is like putting wet wood on the fire.

Abdominal breathing helps production of hormones and enzymes needed by the body. It helps your digestion and reduces stress, which adversely affects production of sex hormones. Both upper and lower body need exercise to stay healthy and aid deep breathing and digestion.

Use flower essences, because they transfer subtle energy that resonates with human feelings and emotions and can help in cases of anxiety and even low self-esteem. The best on the market are the Young Living Essential Oils, which I use in my healing practice. They use oils that are even recommended in the Bible. (If you wish to acquire these, or want more information on their use, please call me.)

NB: Good Nutrition cannot be separated from the rest of your life. Rest helps restore all your bodily functions, including those of the digestive system. When you feel peaceful within, everything works better. Therefore, you go to bed, meditate on your day and come to peace with all the events therein. Ask God to help you be even more aware and loving the next day. Take at least 20 deep abdominal breaths, and your sleep will be peaceful and restorative.

I’ve written an ebook to explain the technique, and have created a companion audiobook to guide you through a meditation using Ocean Breath to focus your mind and release tension.  They are now on sale through December 31st.

Read more and get your copies here.

the most peaceful Holiday time of this year that is ending

and an inspired, blissful and prosperous 2010.

Love,
Carla

Carla guides you through powerful exercises to help you change those beliefs that limit your highest potential for intimacy. You will learn to cultivate sensuous spiritual energy, and use it to empower your new expanded vision.

Discover insights and useful ways to:

· Achieve greater harmony in your relationships

· Heal wounds that may have contributed to closing your heart

· Open up to love responsibly, yet with spontaneity and innocence

· Uncover and trust your intuition

· Make choices from your inner core

· Communicate your truths, softened by your heart

· Bring more orgasmic energy into your dance of life.

What others are saying about this book:

“Namaste Carla! I just finished Lessons from a Tantric Tango Dancer and know you must be so proud of your accomplishments. This book will bring much joy and understanding to so many people. It was such a brave book in many ways and the courage and understanding you show is remarkably insightful regarding today’s issues. What I really love about the work is the incorporating of the Faces of Eve devoid of enslaved attachment to Jungian theory and your unique explanation of the “natural” expressions of our abilities and senses.

And you have my heart racing to start tango lessons.  When my wife and I were in Buenos Aires in May, we watch with awe at the way the locals arrived at partnering and dancing. They were really “attached” and in the moment. Fully. Observing them made us want to try, but now we understand why we couldn’t do it. We needed to understand the open heart and soul connection. Before, it was our impression that dancing was in a way, ego driven and not about the “other”. Wow, thanks for explaining this dance from your point of view. Melongas are definitely on the horizon for us!

In finishing, I just can’t say enough about how right I feel about what you say and the useful lessons I will be putting into practice. It’s like a found a soul mate out there, Carla. We wish you continues success and always, a lovely, wonderful, happy and healthy life. Regards, Philip”

“Just finished reading your book. I enjoyed it very much…..especially the stories of your childhood journey. You are amazing…..thank you”   ~Baba Dez: Founder, The Sedona Temple

“This is an amazingly honest and sincere introduction to Tantra as a spiritual and as an art form. The connection to tango makes a very nice analogy. And Carla’s honest personal accounts and experiences give the book a very human and personal touch. Well worth reading and will introduce you to an intersting dimension of human sexuality.”  ~Vincent S. Dagati

“In her book “Lessons from a Tantric Tango Dancer: A Journey to Intimacy, Relationships and Love,” Carla really explains how to lead a tantric life without using Hindu names of Gods and Goddesses, just the essence of the teachings.

She skillfully invites the reader to connect with their deepest core, recognizing their essence as courage and love. It is from this core self that we can change our limiting beliefs and get to play in life on a larger scale with joy in our heart.

I cried when Carla choose to understand her mother more than being understood by her. That moment of forgiveness was touching and precious.

It is a book written with clarity and passion, strewn with pearls of wisdom. I rejoiced in the evolution of Carla’s life and identified with her throughout the book, and especially in the part where she recognizes the beauty and power of reaching a balanced life that nourishes the soul.

I applaud her for the courage and trust she so openly displays as she candidly tells her story of personal growth. Carla’s understanding and acceptance of the struggles in her past, gives me a model of how to transform life’s challenges into the stuff that helps me to be stronger and wiser!”  ~Mare Simone: Tantra Yoga Teacher

“Ten years ago I had the good fortune to meet Carla on the tango floor. I had read of tantra, but had never met a teacher. We have talked about the relationship of tango and tantra, but, mostly, we have continued to dance together. She has generously helped me bring tantra into my tango by her presence with me on the dance floor, and by encouraging me to feel the subtleties of breath and heart connection to find deeper connection with the woman. Over time, she has taken my tango to a new level! Carla’s book gives words to the wise and generous spirit I have come to know on the tango floor. ”  ~Jim Depeyster: Tango dancer

“Carla Tara is one of the most inspired and insightful writers on the subject of Tantra I have ever experienced. Her latest book, Lessons FromTantric Tango Dancer, not only describes technique and methodology of Tantra that is effective as well as appropriate, but also the attitudes and paradigms that must be in place for an experience of Tantra to be from the heart and not just of the body. Carla’s experience with the topic is extensive and her knowledge has been gained through years of research and as an international teacher on the subject. Her love of the Tango is as passionate as is her love of Tantra. I strongly recommend this book.”  ~Franklin Levinson