Weathering the Storm in Your Relationship

Today was another rainy spring day in Maui. Usually, I feel sad when it storms, but today it occured to me what a gift that it really is. There is the clear fact that we need the rain for the earth and the plants to grow vigorously, and to clean the streets… Rain makes me feel fresh and washed clean of any bad emotions that have built up, too. Read more

5 Tips to Foster Great Communication

Good communication is the foundation of every great relationship. Listening and being listened to are signs of care and respect for your partner. When you feel cared for, you have more energy flowing through you, and sex is better.

Tantra is based on such caring and respect for your partner. Here are some good tips:

  1. Make sure you have your partner’s attention without demanding that they stop what they are doing to listen to you, unless it’s an emergency. If one of you is busy when you want to talk, set up a time when you both can pay attention to each other.
  2. Tune into your own truth by taking a couple of Ocean Breaths to connect with your love for them. Intend to create more understanding and harmony. Remember this is your truth and might not be “the truth” for your partner.
  3. Clear your mind of judging thoughts such as, “Here she/he goes again…” or “I’m going to show her/him that I’m right “. Communication is not a tug of war. To prove that you are right does not create more harmony or passion. Quite the opposite. Understanding and connection do.
  4. Really listen. We have two ears and one mouth, so listen at least twice as much as you speak. Listen attentively even if you think you ‘know’ what they are going to say. You might here a nuance that has always escaped you before, and this time that might make all the difference in how this talk goes.
  5. Pay attention to your body language, especially face expression, eye movements (rolling your eyes) and tone of voice. Body language makes up about 65% of communication. When your intention is love, the body is going to be relaxed and your voice full and warm. If your intention is to ‘be right’ or ‘show them,’ it will automatically show through your body language.

If you are not used to thinking about your body and your attitude as you are speaking, all these steps might seem overwhelming. Start with one or two the next time you talk with your lover.

Afterwards, be sure that you take a moment for yourself, and think about how using these simple steps changed your experience of the encounter and its outcome. Then, try to work in more of the steps the next time. You will see the difference - and your partner will feel the difference in your attention and your energy.

When Vulnerability = Strength

by  
Filed under Articles

We’re now in the depths of winter, and the easygoing open way we commune with nature and each other in the warmth of summer may feel like a distant memory. In the winter, we become more introspective. We communicate more with ourselves – inside our heads and our hearts.

Introspection is good. We need time to tune into ourselves to see what we are really thinking and feeling because often we decide to quickly put our feelings on hold to handle urgent work. We need to integrate our experiences to really learn from them.

However, sometimes we unconsciously confuse introspection with the avoidance of communicating our inner thoughts and feelings with the person we love. Read more

The Gift of Self-Respect

by  
Filed under Articles

It’s Christmas time—a time when most people are opening their pocket books and their hearts to give presents to the people they love. It’s heartwarming. Even I, who believe that a present should be given any time you feel so inclined and not at a specific date, feel the spirit of giving more than usual. Today, I noticed myself humming tunes of love songs and then even inventing words to them that include the people I love.

However, for many people festivities like Christmas bring up lots of emotions, and for lovers who are on the verge of break-up, festivities usually are very stressful and breakups can be precipitated by expectations that the lover does not fulfill.

“Why buy an expensive gift for a girlfriend I don’t respect?” a young man asked me the other day in a counseling session. As he described her, she sounded like someone no one would like to spend his life with her. Read more

Relationships That Work

Enlightened relationships fulfill all aspects of our lives. We trust each other and we feel we are on the same team so we like to help each other. There is a deep sense of belonging. We discuss important issues together. We laugh together. We love to express our sensuality freely, with enthusiasm and a sense of discovery. We feel powerful enough to be vulnerable in each other’s presence. We communicate with honesty and openness from our authentic selves. We are nurturing a seed of love that blooms into a flower that expands its essence to our surroundings. As we love, we feel a connection that goes beyond our bodies. We start sensing that we are more than our body and become conscious of the divine connection. We want to live fully and contribute to life.

In other words, life together is safe, sexy, powerful, loving, expressive and expanding beyond our bodies. Read more