The Key To Intimacy – Simpler Than You Think

Everyone wants to make relationships complicated and difficult. It’s the human way – we feel that something valuable and vital to our happiness must be hard to get.  But this does not have to be true for you.

The  secret to creating physical and emotional connection and deepening love is very natural and very simple: pay attention to your lover.

In this post, I’m going to concentrate on the men. Not because men are worse at intimacy than women. (Some men are very gifted connectors, and some women are very distant.)  The reason I’m talking to you men today is because men are usually faster than women at reaching a point in their lovemaking where they are tempted to orgasm and/or ejaculate. If you are a woman who get sexually turned on faster than your man, then consider I am writing this to you too!

So, gentlemen, listen closely! Read more

Weathering the Storm in Your Relationship

Today was another rainy spring day in Maui. Usually, I feel sad when it storms, but today it occured to me what a gift that it really is. There is the clear fact that we need the rain for the earth and the plants to grow vigorously, and to clean the streets… Rain makes me feel fresh and washed clean of any bad emotions that have built up, too. Read more

Sharing Sweetness

February is the season for romance.  But not everyone’s relationship is as hot & sexy as they would like. Have you experienced a decline in your romance lately? Or perhaps you have gone some time without that “spark” you felt when you first met your lover?

Ladies, perhaps you realize that you are feeling less beautiful, less desirable, more taken for granted. . . I know many of us feel this way at one time or another.

When your man is in love with you at the beginning of your relationship he sprinkles, “you are beautiful,” “I love you so much,” “you are important to me” in so much of what he says to you. . .

Now you might have to wait for a special occasion or perhaps a new sexy outfit for him to notice how beautiful you are. His feelings haven’t changed; he has just forgotten the need to share them with you.

Men, are you taking the time to make sure your woman hears that she is important and beautiful and sexy to you?

Perhaps there is also another way you can give attention to her?

Saying “you are beautiful” can get boring or lost its meaning, and a general comment never has the same power as when you compliment her on a specific trait. Perhaps instead you could notice her expression and comment on it. You can tell her exactly what about her body attracts you most. Perhaps you may also notice some of the loving things she says or does, and acknowledge them with some attention – and even a kiss, or a touch . . .

This Valentine’s Day, and all through the month, use your imagination to communicate your desire to your woman. You will be surprised how eagerly she reacts to your attention!

Real Listening Feeds Eros

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Couple sitting in conversation

When I work with couples who are resistant to healing their relationship and who no longer feel the kind of  sensuality they felt when they met, it is often due to their lack of listening. It’s very common in long-term relationships.

Tantra says that newness is the preferred food for Eros.  Eros dies when habits come in. But when you have been with someone a long time, it’s very easy for both of you to fall into a rut. Read more

Deeper Love – Allow Yourself to Be Imperfect

How do you keep your relationship afloat and moving toward the destination of deep love and union? By staying conscious as you are gliding through the high waters of life.

Are you conscious of when you start holding back emotional truths and thus clouding the clarity of consciousness? Clouding the clarity is only the beginning of the damage you do to your relationship. Read more

The Gift of Self-Respect

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It’s Christmas time—a time when most people are opening their pocket books and their hearts to give presents to the people they love. It’s heartwarming. Even I, who believe that a present should be given any time you feel so inclined and not at a specific date, feel the spirit of giving more than usual. Today, I noticed myself humming tunes of love songs and then even inventing words to them that include the people I love.

However, for many people festivities like Christmas bring up lots of emotions, and for lovers who are on the verge of break-up, festivities usually are very stressful and breakups can be precipitated by expectations that the lover does not fulfill.

“Why buy an expensive gift for a girlfriend I don’t respect?” a young man asked me the other day in a counseling session. As he described her, she sounded like someone no one would like to spend his life with her. Read more

Relationships That Work

Enlightened relationships fulfill all aspects of our lives. We trust each other and we feel we are on the same team so we like to help each other. There is a deep sense of belonging. We discuss important issues together. We laugh together. We love to express our sensuality freely, with enthusiasm and a sense of discovery. We feel powerful enough to be vulnerable in each other’s presence. We communicate with honesty and openness from our authentic selves. We are nurturing a seed of love that blooms into a flower that expands its essence to our surroundings. As we love, we feel a connection that goes beyond our bodies. We start sensing that we are more than our body and become conscious of the divine connection. We want to live fully and contribute to life.

In other words, life together is safe, sexy, powerful, loving, expressive and expanding beyond our bodies. Read more